Trust the Process: A Journal of Trans Exploration Through Arsenal Football Club

I've been meaning to write since Thursday. Arsenal drew 0-0 with Liverpool away, at Anfield, in the first leg of the Carabao Cup semi-final. This was remarkable, particularly given that Xhaka did a classic Xhaka and got a red card about 30 minutes in.  Arsenal were expected to succumb, being under constant pressure from one of the best teams in the league while playing in the most difficult stadium too. But they didn't. Arsenal held on tight defensively, covering up for each other's mistakes and fiercely getting stuck in for complicated challenges.  This sent me an important message. On Thursday, a few hours, before the game, I moved to an apartment on my own where I'll stay for the next month; a big step in my life and also a bigger step in my gender transition. The way Arsenal reminded me that even if things begin going (drastically) wrong, such as they did with Xhaka's red card, that does not mean that the final outcome will be disappointing. Bravery, effort, and...

Arsenal is currently in a transfer drama regarding the signing of Dusan Vlahovic. He is one of the hottest prospects out there right now: he is 21 years old, hyper-athletic, hyper-lethal in front of goal, determined, and won't be signed for cheap. The news going around are that Arsenal see his signing as the one that takes them 'to the next level', which, to some extent, I agree with.  Yesterday I saw Vlahovic play and watched some of his highlights and finally understood what he is about and what Arsenal could look like with him. His signing would mean that the team is ready to really be ambitious, to truly aim to become the best possible Arsenal that can exist. That's the bet Arsenal wants to make in Vlahovic - no more waiting for other pieces of the puzzle to be in the right position, for the right time, or for anything else. This is the right time. Regardless of any other factor, Arsenal wants to prove to itself and to others through the signing of Vlahovic that w...

 Yesterday, while high, I wrote as I realized this: The reason why intense passing is my favorite playing style is because I felt (and feel) alone—Other—amongst the men I played with and I craved connection on the field. That's why Arsenal is part of my gender expression - their game has always been all about connection, more so since I fell in love with them when I saw THAT goal against Norwich. My favorite goal in history, all about connection. That goal showed me what I was seeking in the field because I was Other to men, a woman already back then, and that informed my early support for Arsenal. Feeling Other to men is a feeling I can trace throughout my life. When Arsenal plays well, I see myself flourishing.  Anyway, here's the goal:

 It feels like a while since the last Arsenal game and a lot has happened! Arsenal were almost  there on New Year's against Manchester City and now, 9 days later, a game will be played against Nottingham Forest after our game vs Liverpool got postponed. In the meantime, I got Covid, the Vlahovic saga boomed, and chaos of all sorts has been unleashed. It feels like I've been waiting a while for this game - particularly with isolation, as there's not much to do or see. In a way, my experience with Arsenal is rooted in an experience of waiting: waiting for the next game, waiting for the next signing, waiting until we play Champions League football again, waiting until our young players peak, and so on. There's much to be said about the ways Arsenal has taught me both patience and to appreciate the journey when the destination is uncertain.  But sometimes, it is indeed about getting there: Tomorrow there will be a game. This might be the season we return to the Champions Le...

  AN INTRODUCTION FROM LONDON CORRESPONDENT Hey readers, I’m here to inaugurate a new segment on Max’s trans/cendental Arsenal blog - London Correspondent ! Needless to say, I am currently corresponding from London. I have been in the UK for approximately 3 hours and I’m right now taking the tube from Heathrow to my place of residence. I am passing by the Arsenal station, and it is getting me excited despite my lack of sleep! I’ll be living here in London until the summer and I thought it would be pretty fun or at the very least funny to record my experiences following Arsenal from their actual home. Hence, London Correspondent! Maybe come next season I’ll correspond from elsewhere. But there’s more about me! I’m Kat, Max’s anchor partner. My pronouns are they/she but with an occasional, intimate he thrown into the mix. I’m generally speaking a nonbinary woman who’s used both the labels bisexual and lesbian throughout the years, though lately I’ve been leaning towards the latter! I...

 Arsenal played Manchester City in the Premier League on New Year's and lost 1-2. The game, however, was beauty and this Arsenal looked full of light today and for the future. I watched the game with my friends as they all stayed up waiting for sunrise - the game was at 6:30 am in Mexico. I think this game set the tone for the year. Last year, I confronted and sweeped away many of my fears in so many areas of life. I feel more like myself since I began that quest and I even came out to myself again in September. This year, I have a lot of hope of what will flourish in the space that fear left behind. For the first time in years, Arsenal played Man City and I allowed myself to feel hopeful. It was a small flame to kindle, and I felt it before, during, and after the game. Even after Arsenal lost, it was just so clear the journey is moving through the right path. With that in mind, how things go today barely even matter. I did not feel like I needed to extinguish my own flame to avoid...