Norwich 0-5 Arsenal: Abundance

 Arsenal beat Norwich 5-0 on Boxing Day. I really needed that. When I first came out as non-binary, my mum was the only person who knew during Christmas three years ago. My family has always been 'queer inclusive', but what it really means is that I won't be homeless for being queer (which I'm really grateful for!), but it will always be expected for me to 'act normal', like a member of the family. There's not much effort done to see me or affirm me (it's the neoliberal and individualistic model of gender! But my gender is collective and it feels like there's no space for that with my family). This year, as a non-binary woman, only my grandma knows. Christmas is always isolating and saddening for me. I was in a big emotional pit over the last few days.

Luckily, I turned it around yesterday as I leaned into an abundance mindset, leaving my struggle with scarcity (of affection, of recognition, of connection) behind. It was a difficult journey, but I am grateful that Arsenal won 5-0.

It's much easier to extend an abundance mindset to other areas of my life when Arsenal is struggling - it requires extra effort of me to appreciate what works with Arsenal and in my life when it feels like neither is working. These last weeks, Arsenal's performances have been the least of my concern, and I'm grateful for that. Seen through that lens, it makes sense why when Arsenal does well it's easier for me to explore other parts of me: I have more abundance to share with myself. 

But what would it mean to think of abundance itself as an abundant resource, one that Arsenal (or I) cannot deplete, but rather one I can always turn to, through appreciation, to feel content?

What if it is not fair? Why do cis people always get their vibe to be abundant but trans people have to do spiritual gymnastics to feel joy in those settings? Sometimes my politics tell me to close myself off to joy when things feel unfair to me, but that's a self-punishment in the name of justice. What does this look like in a non-punitive approach to justice?